Have you ever known a teacher, boss, or other leader who was so inspirational, that people around them were able to accomplish more? That type of leader is able to touch and motivate people at a deep level, and the results they get are amazing.  Have you wondered what their “secret sauce” is, and can you have it, too?

The difference comes down to two words: connection and engagement

When you hold a meeting, whether your participants are virtual or in the same room with you, they may be physically present, but are they really listening to you? If they aren’t listening, what are they doing instead? Most likely multi-tasking and feeling resentful that their time is being wasted on yet another meeting.  In other words, your participants do not feel any connection to you, which leads to disengagement.

You have to create connection before you can build engagement

The secret sauce for building connection during your virtual meetings is to shift from being “me-focused” to being “participant-focused.”  This can be challenging, especially if you’re fairly new at leading meetings.

You may be worried about:

• Technology issues
• The meeting content
• Presentation materials
• How you look and sound on video
• Performance anxiety

While these are important points to consider, the second you shift your attention away from your participants to focus on one of those concerns, you break the connection, and lose an opportunity to hear what others have to say.

How to become “participant-focused” 

To become participant-focused isn’t difficult, but it takes practice to implement. One simple way to make that shift is to eliminate the words “I,” “me” and “my” and substitute the word “you.”  For example:

• “I find these five best practices to be effective.” (me-focused)
• “Here are five best practices—which of these work best for you? (participant-focused)
• “I think we need to solve this problem by doing this…” (me-focused)
• “Sue, what are your thoughts for solving this problem? (participant-focused)

Participants stop listening when they hear “I,” “me” and “my” throughout a conversation or presentation.  When they stop listening, there is no learning, and no interest in working towards your goals. Once you shift your language to “you”, the content becomes about your participants, and gives them a reason to listen.

Asking questions—a powerful way for building connection

Another useful way to become participant-focused is to ask questions, and really listen to the responses.

Starting your meeting with a question such as, “What do you want to take away from today’s meeting?” will instantly build connection and get your participants in “meeting mode” quickly. Questions help focus participants attention on the meeting content, so they stay more engaged in what is being discussed.

Ask questions throughout your meeting to continue to build connection and to keep participants engaged in the conversation.  Avoid giving your “solution” to the group if your meeting is dealing with some challenges that need to be resolved. Instead, let the participants know in advance that you want their feedback on some key points, and then ask each person for their ideas on how to solve the issues.

Note: Never surprise your participants at the last minute by calling on them. Instead of creating connection, this approach will push them away from you. A best practice is to send a reminder to everyone who needs to be in attendance a day or two before the meeting, and outline the key areas where you will request their input. At that time, make it clear that you will ask everyone for their suggestions.

Building connection isn’t about agreeing with everything that someone has said

Rather, it’s about giving people a chance to say what’s on their minds, and to know that what they’ve said has been heard. When people feel heard, they are more willing to accept the outcome if a different idea is chosen as the solution, yet still feel they are a valued member of the group.

All great leaders have the secret sauce for building connection. When people feel connection, they become engaged and involved in the meeting, and are more likely to take follow-up actions that move your team or company closer to their goals.